GTA spoof in a commercial

Try to guess what is this commercial for? I tried twice but was wrong on both the occasion. So let's see how good are you at the guessing game. Feel free to post your guess as comments regardless of right and wrong. The answers I think will be more than funny. The answer is at the end of the commercial...

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Best of the April Fool pranks and jokes

From television revealing that spaghetti grows on trees to advertisements for the left-handed burger, the tradition of April Fool's Day stories in the media has a weird and wonderful history.

Here are 10 of the top April Fool's Day pranks
ever pulled off, as judged by the San Diego-based Museum of Hoaxes for their notoriety, absurdity, and number of people duped.

-- In 1957, a BBC television show announced that thanks to a mild winter and the virtual elimination of the spaghetti weevil, Swiss farmers were enjoying a bumper spaghetti crop. Footage of Swiss farmers pulling strands of spaghetti from trees prompted a barrage of calls from people wanting to know how to grow their own spaghetti at home.

-- In 1985, Sports Illustrated magazine published a story that a rookie baseball pitcher who could reportedly throw a ball at 270 kilometers per hour (168 miles per hour) was set to join the New York Mets. Finch was said to have mastered his skill -- pitching significantly faster than anyone else has ever managed -- in a Tibetan monastery. Mets fans' celebrations were short-lived.

-- Sweden in 1962 had only one television channel, which broadcast in black and white. The station's technical expert appeared on the news to announce that thanks to a newly developed technology, viewers could convert their existing sets to receive color pictures by pulling a nylon stocking over the screen. In fact, they had to wait until 1970.

-- In 1996, American fast-food chain Taco Bell announced that it had bought Philadelphia's Liberty Bell, a historic symbol of American independence, from the federal government and was renaming it the Taco Liberty Bell.

Outraged citizens called to express their anger before Taco Bell revealed the hoax. Then-White House press secretary Mike McCurry was asked about the sale and said the Lincoln Memorial in Washington had also been sold and was to be renamed the Ford Lincoln Mercury Memorial after the automotive giant.

-- In 1977, British newspaper The Guardian published a seven-page supplement for the 10th anniversary of San Serriffe, a small republic located in the Indian Ocean consisting of several semicolon-shaped islands. A series of articles described the geography and culture of the two main islands, named Upper Caisse and Lower Caisse.

-- In 1992, US National Public Radio announced that
Richard Nixon was running for president again. His new campaign slogan was, "I didn't do anything wrong, and I won't do it again." They even had clips of Nixon announcing his candidacy. Listeners flooded the show with calls expressing their outrage. Nixon's voice actually turned out to be that of impersonator Rich Little.

-- In 1998, a newsletter titled New Mexicans for Science and Reason carried an article that the state of Alabama had voted to change the value of pi from 3.14159 to the "Biblical value" of 3.0.

-- Burger King, another American fast-food chain, published a full-page advertisement in USA Today in 1998 announcing the introduction of the "Left-Handed Whopper," specially designed for the 32 million left-handed Americans. According to the advertisement, the new burger included the same ingredients as the original, but the condiments were rotated 180 degrees. The chain said it received thousands of requests for the new burger, as well as orders for the original "right-handed" version.

-- Discover Magazine announced in 1995 that a highly respected biologist, Aprile Pazzo (Italian for April Fool), had discovered a new species in Antarctica: the hotheaded naked ice borer. The creatures were described as having bony plates on their heads that became burning hot, allowing the animals to bore through ice at high speed -- a technique they used to hunt penguins.

-- Noted British astronomer Patrick Moore announced on the radio in 1976 that at 9:47 am, a once-in-a-lifetime astronomical event, in which Pluto would pass behind Jupiter, would cause a gravitational alignment that would reduce the Earth's gravity. Moore told listeners that if they jumped in the air at the exact moment of the planetary alignment, they would experience a floating sensation. Hundreds of people called in to report feeling the sensation.

From Yahoo

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Discussion on anal sex

HBO sit-com LUCKY LOUIE - Husband & wife having discussion on anal sex. Too funny! Check it out

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Different father

A very elderly couple is having an elegant dinner to celebrate their 75th wedding anniversary. The old man leans forward and says softly to his wife, “Dear, there is something that I must ask you. It has always bothered me that our tenth child never quite looked like the rest of our children. Now I want to assure you that these 75 years have been the most wonderful experience I could have ever hoped for, and your answer cannot take that all that away. But, I must know, did he have a different father?” The wife drops her head, unable to look her husband in the eye, she paused for moment and then confessed. “Yes, yes he did.” The old man is very shaken, the reality of what his wife was admitting hit him harder than he had expected. With a tear in his eye he asks “Who? Who was he? Who was the father?” Again the old woman drops her head, saying nothing at first as she tried to muster the courage to tell the truth to her husband. Then, finally, she says, “You.”

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How to sleep at your office

Yesterday I recieved these funny photos via a forwarded mail. I was wondering what's written on these pictures. If anyone could translate then please post it as comment. The caption of the mail was "How to sleep at your office". Although I doubt all of them are office photos, at least one of it has something to do with PHD student, that's all I could understand. Anyway check them out..

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Some of the funniest footballing moments

Do you love football? Even if you don't love you're going to love this video. Here is a compilation of some of the funniest footballing moments. Check it out..

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Pirates of the Caribbean 3 - At World's End High Resolution Trailer

Here's the high resolution trailer of one of the most anticipated movie of all time, the pirates of the carribean 3 : At world's end. Check it out

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Windows Vista Trailer

Here's a funny video announcing the arrival of windows vista, starting from windows 95. Check it out...

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Dogs at the Vet's waiting room

Three people, 2 men and 1 woman, and their dogs are in the Vets waiting room. The first man's dog asked the second man's dog what he's there for. "They are putting me down", he replied.
"Oh no", says the first dog, "why?"
The second dog says,"Well, you see... I've been chasing the Postman for years. Yesterday, I finally caught him, and bit him. So, I'm going to be put to sleep. What's your story?".
The first dog says, "Well, my master just completely remodeled the inside of his house. I didn't like it because my scent wasn't anywhere, anymore. So, when he went to bed last night, I pissed on everything I could find, to get my scent back. This morning, my master found out what I had done, so he is putting me to sleep also."

Then the first two dogs looked at the third one to know it's reason. The third dog said,"This is my masters new girlfriend. She runs around the house all the time without her clothes. This makes me very horny. So, this morning, as she was getting out of the shower, and bent over to wipe up the water on the floor. I couldn't stand it anymore, so I jumped on her a gave it to her good!"
The other dogs say, " So' that's why they are putting you to sleep?"

"No" says the dog, "She is bringing me here to get my toenails clipped!"

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When Stewie meets Jillian (brian's girl)

Stewie has always been my favorite. Yes I'm talking about family guy. Just check his reaction when he meets Jillian, brian's girl..

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The 1,000,000 sex shop customer prank

What would be your reactions if you found cameras flashing, bands playing while you got out of a sex shop? Just check it out...

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Chinese Torture test

A man is out in the Chinese wilderness and he's hopelessly lost. It's been nearly three weeks since he's eaten anything besides what he could forage and he's been reduced to sleeping in caves and under trees. One afternoon he comes upon an old mansion in the woods. It has vines covering most of it and the man can't see any other buildings in the area. However, he sees smoke coming out of the chimney implying someone is home. He knocks on the door and an old man answers, with a beard almost down to the ground.

The old man squints his eyes and says "What do you want?"

The man says "I've been lost for the past three weeks and haven't had a decent meal or sleep since that time. I would be most gracious if I could have a meal and sleep in your house for tonight"

The old Chinese man says "I'll let you come in on one condition: You cannot mess around with my grandaughter"

The man, exhausted and hungry readily agrees, saying "I promise I won't cause you any trouble. I'll be on my way tommorrow morning"

The old Chinese man counters "Ok, but if I do catch you then I'll give you the three worst chinese torture tests ever known to man."

"Ok, Ok" the man said as he entered the old house. Besides, he thought to himself, what kind of woman would live out in the wilderness all her life?
Well, that night, when the man came down to eat (after showering), he saw how beautiful the granddaughter was. She was an absolute pearl, and while he had only been lost three weeks, it had been many,many months without companionship. And the girl had only seen the occasional monk besides her grandfather and well, they both couldn't keep their eyes off each other throughout the meal. That night, the man snuck into the girls' bedroom and they had quite a time, but had kept the noise down to a minimum. The man crept back to his room later that night thinking to himself, "Any three torture tests would be worth it after that experience."
Well, the next morning the man awoke to find a heavy weight on his chest. He opened his eyes and there was this huge rock on his chest. On the rock was a sign saying "1st Chinese torture test: 50 kg rock on your chest".
"What a lame torture test" the man thought to himself as he got up and walked over to the window. He opened the shutter and threw the rock out. On the backside of the rock is another sign saying "2nd worst Chinese torture test: Rock tied to RIGHT testicle".
The man, seeing the rock was too far out the window to be grabbed, jumps out the window after the rock. Outside the window is a third sign saying "3rd worst Chinese torture test: LEFT testicle tied to bedpost".

Moral of the story : If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun, but be prepared for what's coming...

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Southwest Airlines Wanna Get Away / To Catch A Predator

This ad just didn't seem to catch on.Probably the wrong demographic. There are some moments in your life when you wish, it would be better if you could get away. That's the theme. Check out this funny commercial...

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Mr bean's guide to a perfect date

Watch out guys. Here are some useful tips on your first date from the famous Mr. Bean. You'll see what's right and what's wrong in your first date. So check it out...

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When you need a new bed...

Here's a funny ikea commercial. Check this out...

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Complains from the Penis

A penis writes a letter to the head complaining about his salary and looking for a raise...

I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:

*I do physical labor.

*I work at great depths.

*I plunge head first into everything I do.

*I do not get weekends or holidays off.

*I work in a damp environment.

*I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.

*I work in high temperatures.

*I am willing to work any shift.

*My work exposes me to contagious diseases.

The response to his request was the following:

Dear Penis,
After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:

*You do not work 8 hours straight.

*You fall asleep after brief work periods.

*You do not always follow the orders of the management team.

*You do not stay in your designated work area and are often seen visiting other locations.

*You do not take initiative, you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working.

*You leave your workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.

*You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing.

*You will retire well before you are 65.

*You are unable to work double shifts.

*You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed the assigned task.

*And if that were not enough, you have been constantly entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags.

Sincerely,
The Management

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Most impressive unedited fight sequence

This is one of the most impressive fight sequence you have ever seen that contains no edits. Featuring Tony Jaa (of Ong Bak fame) this stedicam shot lasts over 3 min. I wonder how many times it took to get this shot right! Simply amazing!

After watching the behind the scenes extras on the DVD, here is some additional info that filmmakers and martial arts film fans may appreciate:

*The director calls this "the most dangerous long take scene ever." A 4 minute stedicam shot featuring a variety of martial arts.

*The crew spent over 1 month preparing and choreographing before they were able to get a perfect shot. When it came time to shoot, they could only do 2 takes per day because of the set repairing and prop replacement that needed to be done. It took 5 takes to get it right. A foreign cameraman was needed because the stedicam mount was built for american / european operators who are typically much larger than asian operators.

*The foreign operator they hired could only do two flights of stairs at a time and simply gave up. They decided to use a Thai stedicam operator who physically prepared for a month for this job.

*The reason the shot is 4 minutes is because reels of 35mm film are only about 4 min in length.

*They shot the first take which had a number of problems with stuntmen cues, and even a stuntman bumping into the stedicam operator. After choreographing more dynamic action, an increase of extras and improving the set, the next take they did was 17 days after the first take.

*The second take was better but when the stuntman was supposed to be thrown from the 3rd story, the safety mattress was not completely in place yet so Tony Jaa stopped the shot and saved the stuntman's life.

*The third take was just about perfect but just before Tony Jaa was supposed to bust through the last doorway, the film ran out. The director finally decided that instead of simply cutting there, they would try again for perfection.

*They thought the fourth take was perfect but after review there were some parts that weren't as good as the pervious takes. They decided on one more try.

*On the fifth try, it was almost perfect. But there were 2 miscues. On the 2nd floor, Tony Jaa slams a door into the head of a stuntman and the small glass window on the door was supposed to break. It failed to do so, so they used CGI to fix this. The 2nd issue was the fight just before the sink gets thrown. The timing was off as planned but the end result looked natural so they decided this was the take to use in the final film. Simply amazing video.

Check it out




Moral of the story : Practice is the key to perfection...

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Funny SMS for your mobile phone

Q. What kind of children do you get using a yellow condom ?
A. NONE ! you stupid !

Q. Why does a nun never wears a bra ?
A. God supports everything...

Q. When a schizophrenic threatens
to commit suicide are we talking of hostages?

Q. Why do fortune-tellers first ask your name?

Q. What happens when the earth turn 30 times faster?
A. You get your salary every day and all women bleed dead!!!

Q. Why did the statue of liberty have to be a woman?
A. The head had to be hollow to make a restaurant in it!

Q. How do you know that beer contain female hormones ?
A. When you drink too much of it, you cannot say anything sensible any more, you start to nag and you are no longer able to drive a car.

Q. It has 50 teeth and it holds back or stops a terrible monster, What is it?
A. My fly

Q. When do you know you are overweight?
A. When you are sunbathing on the beach and a Greenpeace-activist tries to roll you back into the sea.

Q. Why did God create the man first and only afterwards the woman?
A. To give him the chance to enjoy heaven on earth for just a few moments.

Q. Why are men happy when they finish a puzzle in two months time
A. Because the box says : 3 to 5 years.

Related Post : Funny riddles

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How Lord of the Rings should have ended

Lord of the rings forgot a very simple option when they decided to destroy the ring. Here's a funny sketch about how it should have ended.





Moral of the story : A fine example to keep a long thing short

Source

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The ladies man

Surely this guy has guts... Check it out

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Two priest and the nicotine patch...

Two priests are in a Vatican bathroom using the urinals. One of them looks at the other one's penis and notices there's a Nicoderm patch (nicotine patch that helps quitting cigarette) on it.
He looks at the other priest and says, "I believe you're supposed to put that patch on your arm or shoulder, not your penis."

The other one replies, "It's working just fine. I'm down to two butts a day."



Moral of the story : Every addiction has a remedy.

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A boy's most important how wo lesson NSFW

Uncle Andy teaches Shane how to pleasure himself without disrupting the plumbing. The language is definitely not safe for work unless you have your headphones on. So check it out...

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Why men are never published In dear abby

Is your wife cheating on you? Wrote a letter asking for help to dear abby but it was never answered or published? Probably wondering why but there is definitely a reason. From Ask Ugg men are taught at a young age to work hard and succeed. Not necessarily in love, but in work. To get degree or management position, or to get that sale or that client. Men are taught to focus on the financial and business end of life and that love will fall in there somewhere. Truth is that not many men truly understand what they want or how to get it because they’re focused on the more important things.Here is one such example, well read on:

Dear Abby,

I’ve never written to you before, but I really need your advice on what could be a crucial decision. I’ve suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me.

The usual signs… Phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up.
My wife has been going out with the girls a lot recently although when I ask their names she always says, “Just some friends from work, you don’t know them.”

I always stay awake to look out for her taxi coming home, but she always walks down the drive. Although I can hear a car driving off, as if she has gotten out of the car round the corner. Why? Maybe she wasn’t in a taxi?

I once picked her cell phone up just to see what time it was and she went berserk and screamed that I should never touch her phone again and why was I checking up on her.

Anyway, I have never approached the subject with my wife. I think deep down I just didn’t want to know the truth, but last night she went out again and I decided to really check on her.

I decided I was going to park my Harley Davidson motorcycle next to the garage and then hide behind it so I could get a good view of the whole street when she came home. It was at that moment, crouching behind my Harley, that I noticed that the valve covers on my engine seemed to be leaking a little oil.

Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to the dealer?

That's why men are never published in dear abby.

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What guys are really thinking?

Every person has been in a position where s/he is asked a question and s/he doesnt respond completely honestly. What if guys stopped lying and started saying what they were really thinking? Just watch this funny video...

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April fool jokes

Defense Attorney: Will you please state your age?

Little Old Lady: I am 86 years old.

Defense Attorney: Will you tell us, in your own
words, what happened the night of April 1st?

Little Old Lady: There I was, sitting there in
my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me.

Defense Attorney: Did you know him?

Little Old Lady: No, but he sure was friendly.

Defense Attorney: What happened after he sat down?

Little Old Lady: He started to rub my thigh.

Defense Attorney: Did you stop him?

Little Old Lady: No, I didn't stop him.

Defense Attorney: Why not?

Little Old Lady: It felt good. Nobody had done
that since my Abner died some 30 years ago.

Defense Attorney: What happened next?

Little Old Lady: He began to rub my breasts.

Defense Attorney: Did you stop him then?

Little Old Lady: No, I did not stop him.

Defense Attorney: Why not?

Little Old Lady: His rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I haven't felt that good in years!

Defense Attorney: What happened next?

Little Old Lady: Well, by then, I was feeling
so "spicy" that I just laid down and told him, "Take me, young man. Take me!"

Defense Attorney: Did he take you?

Little Old Lady:: Hell, no! He just yelled, "April Fool!" And that's when I shot him, the little bastard.

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Funny advertisements

Check out this collection of funny personal advertisements. I'd never believe that someone could try to sell a mattress that smells slightly like urine unless I see that ad. Any way check it out...




Moral of the story : Seeing is believing.

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Father vs Mother

A woman starts dating a doctor. Before too long, she becomes pregnant and they don't know what to do. About nine months later, just about the time she is going to give birth, a priest goes into the hospital for a prostate gland infection. The doctor says to the woman, "I know what we'll do. After I've operated on the priest, I'll give the baby to him and tell him it was a miracle." "Do you think it will work?" she asks. "It's worth a try." he says. So, the doctor delivers the baby and then operates on the priest. After the operation he goes in to the priest and says, "Father, you're not going to believe this.". "What?" asks the priest, "what happened?". "You gave birth to a child!". "But that's impossible!" says the priest. "I just did the operation," insists the doctor, "it's a miracle! Here's your baby." About fifteen years go by, and the priest realises he must tell his son the truth. One day, he sits the boy down and says, "Son, I have something to tell you. I'm not your father." The son says, "What do you mean, you're not my father?" The priest replies, "I am your mother. The archbishop is your father.".


Moral of the story : Life is full of surprises

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Install Windows Vista Bypassing Serial Number

Here is the best way to install Microsoft windows Vista. No serial number, no activation! Check it out..

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The nun and the cabby

One night, a cabby picked up a nun. While he was driving, the cabby suddenly started to laugh insanely.
"Why are you laughing?" Asked the nun.

"Oh, It's nothing." said the cabby.

"No, really." said the nun "I won't mind."

So the Cabby told her : "Well, It's really silly but I've always had this fantasy of having a blow job done by a nun."

Nun: "Well then, whats your name?" The nun asked

Cabby: "Robert"

Nun: "Are you married?"

Cabby: "No."

Nun: "Are you christian?"

Cabby: "Yes."

Nun:"Then Pull into the next alley."

The cabby was stunned. but he didn't want to give up this chance so he pulled into the next alley. When they were finished, they returned to the cab. While driving, the cabby started to cry.

"Why are you crying?" asked the nun

Cabby: "I'm sorry, I've lied."

Nun: "How so?"


Cabby: "Well, My name is David, I have a wife and three children, and I'm Jewish."

"Well, I've done a bit of lying too..." smiled the nun "My name is George and I'm going to a costume party."

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Radio jokes...

This story occurred on Melbourne radio last week. One of the FM stations has a competition where they ring someone up, ask them three personal questions, ring their spouse or partner, ask them the same three questions, if the answers are the same, the couple win an overseas holiday. Last week the competition went like this:

Presenter: Hey its XXX-FM, do you want to play the game?

Brian: Yeah, sure.

Presenter: O.K., Question 1 - When was the last time you had sex?

Brian: Ha Ha, well, about 8 o'clock this morning.

Presenter: And how long did it go for Brian?

Brian: Hmmmmm .... about 10 minutes.

Presenter:10 minutes? Good one. And where did you do it?

Brian: Ohhhh , I can't say that.

Presenter: There's a holiday to Bali at stake here Brian!

Brian: O.K. ... O.K. ... On the kitchen table.

Presenter:(and others in the room - much laughter). Good one Brian, now is it O.K. for us to call your wife?

Brian: Yeah, alright.


Presenter: Hi Sharelle, how are you?

Sharelle: Hi. Good thanks.

Presenter: (Explains competition again) We've got Brian on the other line, say hello.

Sharelle: Hi Brian.

Brian: Hi Sharelle.

Presenter: Now Sharelle, we're going to ask you the same three questions we asked Brian and if you give the same answers, you win a trip for two to Bali.

Brian: Just tell the truth Honey.

Sharelle: O.K.


Presenter: Sharelle, when was the last time you had sex?

Sharelle: Oohhhh, noooooo. I can't say that on radio.

Brian: Sharelle, it doesn't matter. I've already told them.


Sharelle: O.K. ... About 8:00 this morning before Brian went to work.

Presenter: Good, nice start! Next question. How long did it go for Sharelle?

Sharelle: (giggling) About 12, maybe 15 minutes.

Co-Presenter: That's close enough ... Brian was just being a gentleman.

Presenter: O.K. Sharelle, final question. Where did you do it?

Sharelle: Oh no I can't say that. My mum could be listening. No way, no.

Presenter: There's a trip to Bali on the line here.

Brian: Sharelle, I've already told them so it doesn't matter anyway.. just tell em.

Sharelle:Ohhhh .... alright .... Up the ass!

Radio Silence

Moral of the story : Some things are better when they are not asked..

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How girls like to be treated?

Do women like it when you treated them crap? -- Asked stewie, the great from family guy. If you are a girl prepare to watch a much darker stewie griffin.. Check out this funny family guy clip..

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Introducing the Apple iRack

Just in case you’re looking for something to hold all your iStuff like the ipod or the long awaited iPhone, here’s Steve Jobs with the new Apple iRack. A very clever parody by MadTV, which turns into a political statement. Check this out..






Moral of the story : Necessity is the mother of invention.

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Who's child is this?

One day the African chief's wife gave birth to a white child and the chief was absolutely stunned. He suspected some hanky panky and went to the white Jesuit missionary father and looked at him suspiciously.

"You have been fucking my wives," he accused the white father, who looked very uncomfortable. The Jesuit, tried to wriggle out of the difficult situation by trying to explain Mendel's laws of genetics to the wrathful black.

"You see that herd of sheep," he said pointing to the chief's herd, "Most of them are white; but you will also notice 2 black lambs among them."

"OK! OK!" said the chief. "You keep your mouth shut and so will I."

Moral of the story : Don't dig too deep, otherwise you might end up facing a snake.

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Prostitute prank

What happens when you mix a pretty woman, some cash and a policeman? Check out this hilarious prank!

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Hot Girl With a Bad Laugh

Here's another funny family guy clip starring Peter griffin. Check this out.

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Kung lesson with the cops

Either he was insain, on PCP or both. Cops did a good job. Check it out...

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Chris and Quagmire's Boob calculator from the family guy

"What if we had two calculators and we put them next to each other?" , yes Yes YES!! ---Bet this video will take you back to school days when you used your calculator to make boobs(8088) or boobles(80087355). Check it out

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Talking parrot

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shone his flashlight around, looking for valuables, and when he picked up a CD player to place in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you."

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off and froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, promised himself a vacation after the next big score, then clicked the light back on and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Totally rattled, he shone his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.


"Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot.

"Yes," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you."

The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who do you think you are, anyway?"

"Moses," replied the bird.

"Moses!" the burglar laughed. "What kind of stupid people would name a parrot 'Moses'?"

he bird promptly answered, "The same kind of people who would name a Rottweiler 'Jesus'!"

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The Insulting Druggist

Upon arriving home, a husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully, she explained, “It’s the druggist. He insulted me terribly on the phone this morning. I had to call several times before he would even answer the phone.”

Immediately, the husband drove downtown to confront the druggist and demand an apology. Before he could get 3 words out, the druggist interrupted him: “Now, just a minute! Listen to my side of the story. This morning, the alarm failed to go off, so I was late getting up. I left without eating breakfast and hurried out to the car, only to realize that I had locked the house with both house and car keys still inside. So I had to break a bedroom window and crawl inside to get my keys.


Then, driving a little too fast, I got a speeding ticket. Later, when I was about three blocks from the store, I had a flat tire. When I finally got to the store, a mob of people were waiting for me to open. I got the store opened and started waiting on these people, and all the while, the damn phone was ringing off the hook.

Then, I had to break a roll of nickels against the cash register drawer to make change, and they spilled all over the floor. I had to get down on my hands and knees to pick up them up, and the phone was still ringing. When I stood up, I cracked my head open on the cash drawer, which made me stagger back against a showcase full of perfume bottles. Nearly half of them hit the floor and broke.

Meanwhile, the phone is still ringing with no let up, and when I finally staggered back to answer it, it was your wife. She wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer. And believe me mister, as God is my witness, all I did was tell her!”

Moral of the story : Sometimes "the other side of the story" is more pathetic than the original one..

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Scary knock knock joke

The knock-knock joke is a type of joke, probably the best-known format of the pun, and is a time-honoured "call and answer" exercise. [From Wikipedia] But no definition of knock knock joke has ever termed it as scary. But to hell with definitions here's a living proof. Check it out...

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Penn & Teller : 'Shadows'

Amazing clip of Teller from Penn & Teller performing his magic trick 'Shadows' . Check it out

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How not to park in a garage..

Well not only women drivers are dumb. Here's a funny video showing a man tried to park in his garage. Where it looks like he put the car back in drive then tried to raise the garage gate in time to run back around and jump back into his moving car. It went a bit faster than he expected. Check it out

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Reunion of four friends

Four mens have met each other after many years in a bar. After a few laughs and drinks, one of them had to go to the rest room. The ones who stayed behind began to talk about their kids and their successes.

The first guy says: I am very proud of my son, he is my pride and joy. He started working at a very successful company at the bottom of the barrel. He studied Economics and Business Administration soon he was promoted and began to climb the corporate ladder becoming the General Manager and now he is the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a top of the line Mercedes Benz for his birthday.

The second guy says: Damn, that's terrific!! My son is also my pride and joy, I am very proud of him. He started working at a traveling agency for a very big airline. He went to flight school to become a pilot and also managed to become a partner in the company where he now owns the majority of the assets. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his birthday.

The third guy says: Well, well, well congratulations!! My son is also my pride and joy and he is also very rich. He studied in the best universities and became an Engineer. He started his own construction company and became very successful and a multimillionaire. He also gave away some thing very nice and expensive to his best friend for his birthday. He built a 30,000 sq ft mansion specially for his friend. The three friends congratulated each other mutually for the successes of theirs sons.

The forth friend who earlier had gone to restroom returned and asked: What's going on, what are all the congratulations for? One of the three said: We were talking about the pride we feel for the successes of our sons. And then he asked, What about your son?

The forth man replied: My son is Gay and he makes a living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub.

The three friends said: What a shame that must be, that is horrible, what a disappointment you must feel.

The forth man replied: No, I am not ashamed. Not at all. He is my son and I love him just as well, he is my pride and joy. And he is very lucky too. Did you know that his birthday just passed and the other day he received a beautiful 30,000 sq ft mansion, a brand new jet and a top of the line Mercedes Benz from his three boyfriends.

Moral of the story : There's always "the other side" of every story. So don't make a decision without listening to it.

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Dog Attempts Suicide

You'll be laughing hard with this video. A traumatized dog that wanted to commit suicide but failed. Why? Just watch..

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Unnecessary Censorship

Sometimes a little unnecessary censorship can turn normal television hilarious. Check this funny video

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Adidas : Unstoppable

Awesome Adidas commercial with some cool special effects. Check it out...

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Badminton gets serious

Badminton is a racket sport played by either two opposing players (singles) or two opposing pairs (doubles), who take positions on opposite halves of a rectangular court that is divided by a net. Players score points by striking a shuttlecock with their rackets so that it passes over the net and lands in their opponents' half of the court. But sometimes this fun game can become serious. Watch this video...

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Really, REALLY good at his job

Netadmin pilot fish gets a trouble ticket: the network appears to be down at a branch of the credit union he works for.

He runs a few quick network tests. Sure enough, there's no response from the branch. So he calls the branch to confirm that there's no other obvious problem, such as a power outage.

Fish: Hi, I'm calling from network operations. I'm calling to ask if the power is still on at your location.

Branch manager: Yes, it is.

Fish: OK, is anyone doing any construction in your building?

Manager: In the building? No.

Fish: (sensing there's something going on) What about outside?

Manager: Well, there's a group of guys with a backhoe across the back alley.

Fish: Can you see them from where you are?

Manager: Yes.

Fish: Are they standing around in a circle around a hole?

Manager: Yeah. How do you know this?

Fish: I'm really good at my job. Do they look like they may have just done something really bad?

Manager: Do they look guilty? From what I can see, yeah, I'd say so.

Fish: Now is there someone in that group who looks really mad?

Manager: Are you sure you're not playing a trick on me? You're not across the street, right? Yes, there's a person who I'd say was the foreman. He doesn't look happy.

Fish: No, I'm about 200 kilometers away from you. He's the one you need to go and talk to. Ask him if he's called the telco, and if not, ask him if he wants me to.

Manager: What happened?

Fish: I'd guess the backhoe cut the fiber connection for your town. It's just pure luck that your phones aren't down right now, either.

"Sure enough, the backhoe had cut the fiber connection," says fish. "I was told the foreman's face was a wonderful shade of red when he was asked by the credit union manager if he wanted us to report his cable cut."

Moral of the story : You don't need to be at the scene to see what actually happened, all you need to be is really good at your work.

Source

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Arab interviewed at the US Embassy for a U.S. Visa.

Consul : What is your name?

Arab: Abdul Aziz

Consul: Sex?

Arab : Six to ten times a week

Consul: I mean, male or female?

Arab : both male and female and sometimes even camels

Consul: Holy cow!

Arab : Yes, cows and dogs too!!!!

Consul: Man,........ isn't it hostile?

Arab : Horse style, dog style, any style

Consul: Oh.......... dear!

Arab : Deer? No deer, they run too fast !

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Harry Potter starring Lindsay Lohan

While every one is eagerly waiting for the last book of the Harry potter series : "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows" and wondering whether Harry lives or die, here's a funny skit starring lindsay lohan. Check it out..

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